broadcast December 6, 1990

Rabies is the perfect advertisement for Marian's aerobics classes, easily beating all-comers at arm wrestling. But then Fergi arrives, and Rabies is besotted with the strongest woman he's ever seen. But just when they hit upon a plan to bring his mind down from "higher things", they discover that Fergi won't be available for a blind date - because the King is going to get rid of Guy by marrying him off to her. But perhaps that's just as well; I mean, who needs all that sickening love stuff anyway?
With Kerry Potter as NETTLE, Jelena Budimic as FERGI, John Rapley as SIR WALTER FERGUSON, and Sophie Reissner as MARGARET THE THATCHER

Songs: Rabies in Love; Wedding Today1, Wedding Today2
Lyrics: Rabies in Love, Wedding today

Character Description
Rabies "sorry.....someone say now.....???"
Guy "William the conqueror says....do this.........your out as a mouldy old trout!"
King John "he's been banged up in his coffin for 75 years!"
Guy "alright then, we'll play something else Mr Spoiley sport!"
Guy/King John/Sheriff "1 elephant, 2 elephant............pin the tail on the dinosaurs chin!"
Rabies "she's the strongest woman I've ever seen........she's totally totally wonderful!"
Sheriff/Gary/Graeme "put yourself on the hotspot please..........".
Sheriff "hello little girl......what's your name?"
Guy "I love horses..........please oh please hope to die and make me sneeze... I love chocolate spread sandwiches!"
Marian "darling darling fergie.........to say how much I lergie"
Robin "hey babywaby! lets smochywouchy!"
Sheriff "here's are list of the presents the groom wants............."
Sheriff "pinball machine and you won't even have 10p to......."
Sheriff "he's thick...of course he's thick he's royalty!"
Sheriff "millions of women will be copying your hair ....naming kids after you"
Gary/Sherrif "what a treasure she is sire"
Rabies/Marian "your minds as wet as a copy of smash kits that's......"
Robin "please....I've got a squash injury......."
Robin "I never knew my own strength.......you wanna fight??????"
Sheriff "quick give me a ring!"
Sheriff "you've had it since last Christmas!"
King John "we'll saw it in two!"
King John "love..what's love got to do with it?"
King John "marriage is.........."
  "oo. rabies in love"
King John "I've got a kingdom to rule for goodness sake!!!"